[ 11.05.2003 ]
blah
Too tired to go on about this or that.
Last night stayed up late, did an inventory through our home with S.S.S., and all this went in air of agreement and cooperation. The stuff and the craft-related stash of herbs, incense and like stuff got split nicely and fair. Cried a bit, together. She had got already an apartment of her own and though this was good news in many ways it also drove one of the last nails in to the coffin. Felt horrible, but if you're not inclined to do anything too desperate, what can you do but try to readapt to the world outside? Just horrible, I have to admit.
And now I'm bit tired. Fucking exhausted! Not as depressed as Sunday night, but feeling drained anyway. And I should probably look "dynamic" at work, having got a small time pocket money -extra for my job. All my schedules tarry. Too much things to do, yet not much things that'd provide me genuine elation from the vexation, frustration, sorrow and such things of synonymous kind.
Oh and one more thing concerning p0rn:
Should have guessed. A visit to
Something Awful reminded me that
they are Americans and thus likely to be a step head me when it comes to debunking the comic relief the White House is. White House - Vatican, 5-6 as Bush junior scores!
You tell me.
Mr EagleOwl [11:03 AM]
[ 11.04.2003 ]
Protection from p0rn is no laughing matter
and being depressed isn't gay either
At the moment, I'm lamentably depressed and though my
being me is very integral with my sexual appetite, it - being lamentably depressed - shows. I'm totally put out of smoke and all the "yee-haa" at the moment. One might think in the current marital situation of mine it is the most natural thing for me, after risking repeatedly my souls heaven share by having pre-marital sex. I just can't see it that way, no - my subconscious still works on all the sassy things, disregarding my emotional state. Now isn't that funny? Or obsessive? Or obsessively funny?
As SSS now sleeps on the floor (until she gets an apartment/flat/room of her own), I have got a habit of watching her sleeping from the loft. What do I do? Last night we worded the sex, as an absence of something mutual. I've been faithfully practicing sins of flesh, but right now I can't help myself from being a totally tiresome, not being able to sleep, nor too pervy though my little Simony Crickett
(more like Sodomy Creep-fit) isn't shutting his filthy mouth (ever).
I've been depressingly monogamous for... what, a decade? Probably more. I've got a pretty vivid imagination, but I've still got a taste pornography and unconventional sex, as the majority of monogamous men I know do. So in addition to being a rather trustworthy companion I've got p0rn-related "stuff" enough in home for me to get along with the days of not having creative imagination. Leafing through a XXX-fetish magazine of my choice still can't effect my emotional state, which is getting quite boring, really. And I'm not sure if it's the quality or quantity that don't work, or is it just me?
Protection from p0rn can be a hard (no pun intended, eh?) when there's so much people overly occupied with thinking sex. Possibly in quantitive facination, as goes for the culture. A whole
week of p0rn, suits the picture. And I don't even want to know the definition of porn/ sex/ terrorism/sexual harrasment /eroticism/ sensuality/ sin difference explicated by the White House. Not under
THAT man's order, though there's often a great fun waitting for one entering the mentioned website. But should I consider the idea, as I am myself in a fit situation not to worry for all that stuff. Perhaps I should actually work my feelings of loss and love rather than think about all the sex-centered musings I might run under the influence of Baphomet in a ritual circle. It might save my soul or something, not shaking hands with the beef, while America - the Land of the Free - are waging their war on terrorism and lesser ails their leaders' suffer.
...Oh for fuck's sake - put that goat-mask on and we'll invoke the fabled God of Templars where blood and sacramental wine is stirred.
Woo-hoo!
Get me?
Mr EagleOwl [6:00 AM]
[ 11.03.2003 ]
Friends and kleenex
thank you thank you thank you
Wept yesterday. A lot. Had rehearsals, too, during which I didn't feel heartbroken all the time. Also, I've had a lot of friends on the phone, to which too I've cried quite a bit. I should have them all praised in public, a good thing, friends and paper hankies!
"Regia, crede mihi, rest est succurrere lapsis."
What, me?
Mr EagleOwl [10:30 AM]
