[ 6.13.2003 ]
"Tell me what dreams may come"
Carl McCoy
"What if you slept, and what if in your sleep you dreamed, and what if in your dreams you went to heaven and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower, and what if when you awoke you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?"
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Biographia Literaria (1817)
You're telling me?
Mr EagleOwl [12:16 AM]
[ 6.10.2003 ]
Finnish oracles 2003
No, I've not even thought of leaving the academic surroundings for a career of a fortune teller
After invoking the grand ol' lady Hekate (and surviving the intoxicated state of mind of "a mild possession") my dreams have turned into another life of mine. To define how much and what on earth does this mean needs a few words.
I haven't been that keen keeping the dream-diary for some years now, but when I used to record all of them I wrote from 1-6 A4 pages a day (adding to the daily diary and records about daily ritual workings and meditation). The material makes a pretty personal alphabet for interpreting some major themes in my dreams, and a wonderful symbolism to my own tarot deck I'v e been at (for far too long instead of actually getting it done). And the more I wrote, the more lucid the dreaming was to me. Aware as I was of the fact I was dreaming, I witheld the nasties in my dreams and suffered no longer of the routine nightmares. And there was no insignificant details I couldn't have checked out, just as easily as if I now cared to see what brand that lightbulb in the desk lamp was. I even started doing ceremonial magick in my dreams occasionally, and tried to exit the Yetzirachtic world ever deeper by sheer will power (which didn't happen, of course). So what do I mean by dreams turning into another life, even more colorful? Even more chances of getting laid with hot chicks? Well, I didn't mean exactly that (not that I wouldn't have took my chances with lucidity of dreams and the control of the dreamt surroundings). Even more detailed?
I've got rid of me in the dreaming. It's getting back there but right after the Hekate-workings I got rid of the personal subjectivity in my dreams for some time. To me this seems important as this could be interpreted as having something equal to the state of gnosis, where the Self gets purified of the superficial personality and it's mundane arbitrary characteristics. Yes, this is about the experience of a kind of enlightenment. About a way to transcendence and HGA (short for "Holy Guardian Angel", which has nothing to do with the wussies in series). I've had visionary dreams that taught me how it might have felt like having an angel appear to you in a dream, with a message for you to write down. But I've never, ever had dreams without me. Some characters might have been interchangeable (being both person A and person B at the same time; or being a non-factual abstraction both in the dream and in waking reality (don't know what to call them). But never before have I been disqualified as the subjective narrative viewpoint in a dream of mine, making the dream more like an announcement I'm making without saying it. And still... I'm just a human being. And when I'm wide awake, I have a physical body with it's characteristic limitations.
One of the dreams most apparently (even unsuspectedly) connected to the ritual was the one that can be described in very short: there was a pair of two sunbstantial things. Nothing else, and nothing happened but these two elements that, well, were there. Somewhere, where I wasn't, and couldn't have been, as there was no me-ness separated from these two elements. And it went on and on, like, for hours. Substances, both concrete and abstract, a pair easily described as the Light and the Darkness. Matter and Spirit or Good and Evil, were such metaphoric description given to lead our interpretation astray. In fact they were neither good nor evil, both material in one sense but in an abstract sense (like atoms and wave-lenght are). The first was a bolder of dross, heavy matter - darkness rolling on its way, leaving a rail of smoke behind it, equally concrete, yet vague. And in the same time this darkness was an abysmal vortex, or rather just a two dimensional form of it's gaping mouth. Space. The other thing - light - was even more formless, not having a body shapen into here or there, but as a seams of the thread of the meta-space in where the spatial matter rolled through. Brilliantly luminous light pierced and penetrated everything that was not as light, hiding invisibly in this darkness' opaqueness, more or less material. When I woke up I didn't even understood what I was shown, until I started describing this to my dream diary. And noticed how it reminded me of The Chaldean Oracles. Pretty heavy shit.
The other dreams were about Luciferian principle of initiation/ unfolding secrets/ bringing light into the darkness, and such things I had lain vague questions of. All were answered in dreams, in which I were not a subject nor a narrator or witness, but rather a realisation of the question myself. I was just being told things, and my sleeping body was the medium of the message while dreaming - not a person being sent a message. So now I am in a way answering my own question, and my dreams lived a life of their own for some nights.
Mr EagleOwl [7:46 AM]
