[ 1.23.2003 ]
What I erased from my calendar today
feeling insecure for re-scheduling it all and not too strongly disliking it
I've been in jolly good mood this week. Probably because of sex n' drugs n' rock n' roll (well, omit the "drugs" part or replace it with "coffee"). It's been one of those weeks when everything gets re-scheduled and I usually get upset, but, for some reason, not this time. You probably know how re-scheduling a well planned and a long time awaited week and it's projects turn an cancellation by cancellation into a week of pulling your hair out and screaming murderously insane for every additional phone call or SMS starting "Sorry, I know we've planned this weeks ago and I hope you won't get mad at me now, but..." But not this week. Annoyed a plenty? Oh yes. Cranky? Occasionally. Mad? Well, not really. Murderously insane? Nope. I don't really know what's got into me but I like it. It's like in the good old times. Maybe I'm just being posessed by some equally evil spirit with a personality close to mine.
Tuesday Denigrate. Wednesday Babylon Whores, the Crown, Sacrament. Today Gjallarhorn. Gigs missed this week, I had 15€ tickets to Gjallarhorn and was forced to sell it as they started already and I'm still at work. The others were not that bad but lead to rescheduling those evenings that ended up to sitting home. Getting on my nerves a bit. More than a bit. A bit a plenty. But I'm taking it quite easily, in my own opinion. Tuesday, wednesday, thirsday... the weekend is closer and closer and there's all the stuff I have been prepared to do when not being at work. "I wonder what the future holds", as we can hear on the vinyl version of the Bauhaus's "the sky's gone out". BTW, it's a very, very good album! And thinking how good that album is and how I can just sit down and sip another cup of coffee over the lyrics in progress, listening to such an album I can't help but feeling unmoved though annoyed for having to re-schedule it all.
That's it! I'm of to surf lesbian porn!
Mr EagleOwl [9:45 AM]
[ 1.22.2003 ]
With myself and the bands
homo ludens caught in the act
Like the Rollins Band said, "silence sucks" and I agree. In December there was like two rehearsals with all of my bands and no gigs. And that sucks! Being a
homo ludens isn't easy at all. Can't stand my work really if I can't do the things I really want to. The things I originally wanted to get the job for, so that I could support our household and keep doing this stuff no matter what. Like playing and keeping the bands I play in alive. But going to work - even if it's a pretty decent job - can turn into an act daily purposelessness when one has to ask himself
"why bother supporting anything when there's nothing supporting me?"
Okay. I admitt that's not true, there's a lot of significant thing besides playing to support. The significant ones, and the -other. But you get the idea, right? I'm one of those enthusiastics musicians not at rest at all when there's nothing going on. Or rather, if there's no chances to play and life goes silent. Silence becomes significant only after it's not present (and when it is, it's usually the kind of forced barren silence that's hidden beneath displeased roaming thoughts). Music is a way I partake in the Creation. It's beyond a hobby. It's beyond a human life, unlike the job one has to do for living, in order to dedicate his/her life fo making music without the economical pressures of music business. Art instead of entertainment.
Still don't get it? You seen the Shining? That's what I mean. "All day work..."
There's been a few rehearsals, which is nice. It's been a while - whole month! And the covers of one of my bands release has come from the print and we're very pleased with them. And there's been something like demand lately for a few gigs as well. No, really, there has! Mainly warming-ups for a bit more known bands of our friends but that suits us just fine. Easy going, no pressure, though we'll have to attend rehearsals more than once a week so that I'll manage the impossible parts. That's the good part, actually, getting to rehearse the stuff. Playing. If you can't take the pains of rehearsing you can just as well quit playing all the same.
Another band I play in had new t-shirt out for sale for anti-christmas. Not a big print but small enough to call it a "limited edition" for hard core fans. They were almost sold out in a month, and a new print is under discussion (for the not-so-hard-core fans, too, if we only can live with such a twist in plans). A new release is still under work on studio table and it's good to have something out meanwhile. It's not a full lenght album anyway (not this year) but working in studio is always great fun for me. Despite the fucked up schedules and problems this leads to. Not bad.
Recording companies have been interested in signing the act(s) as it's been without a contract for a few years now without loosing the interest of fans. We can
choose our label and give the previous ones the finger they deserve. Well okay, the whole damn music business, really. Not only the few companies I've been in touch with. Not if I can at all trust my collegues in other bands, describing music business as "the most degenerate and deceitful business there is, full of under-educated and bigotted idiots and well-educated bastards not worth to piss on caught they fire". "It's probably bbecause o fhuman nature", I said, and my friend answered: "Oh yeah - where else have you seen such scum roll out such income and position with that kind of conduct and indifferent approach to their clients and patrons?" He certainly got a point there: the recording companies are not supporting you really; they are into making profit of you and your creativity. At it's worst, for entertainment of paying audience that probably can't even tell WHY they exactly prefer a song for another, asking you to do a better selling and easier album next time; and even better selling after that one... and so on
ad infinitum...
Think of pop-/rock-stars like Madonna, who are under pressure of doing like this and like that and thinking in lines like "because the trend has been(...)" and "with sells estimated and former success(...)" and "how'd we make this into a million-seller". Yeah, that's not only work - that's business. And though I'd sometimes want the underground stuff was managed with discipline, like
work, I'm happy I'm not that deep in the business. I'm so happy for playing my own stuff without having to thing about the competence of the audience and previous selling figures in company meetings... There's been a rumor around that WarnerBros didn't accept the demo of the songs of the next Madonna album, as it wasn't commercial-friendly enough and just too strange - or deviating from what the customers are expecting from the product, one might say. Rumor are rumors.
Another truth is here. One might check out how it's been for the Fields of the Nephilim, and read
how they felt of their latest release being released, and - again - for another truth
Jungle-records wiev on this.
But that's how it's like. The good thing is that if your record company bitches around and all over you, you always can remind them of how bitching around ended in the song Hey Joe. That is, if you didn't jump in their sleghride "what ever the costs" in the first place.
Oh, and the other thing! Yes, of course... Having sex at home with your loved one and yourself doesn't count for group sex but is great fun anyhow! ; )
Mr EagleOwl [5:19 AM]
[ 1.21.2003 ]
Truth is out there
"Truth is out there and it's got bloody big teeth", as it said in the wrappings of a christmass present I got once. The same guy who gave that to me gave me my first copy of the Necronomicon (that of Simon to be exact) for a christmass when I was ...let's see... seventeen? Good grief, it's long time since then... Nowadays I've worn the pages of that Necronomicon and purchased several copies of the other - equally fraudulent - versions.
Anyhow, the "bloody big teeth" and "muchos tentaclos". That's my attitude to "aliens", "greys" and the stuff. To me the word "abduction" still refers principally to the third of the categories of reasoning (others being the classical deduction and induction) Charles Sanders Peirce - the science scandal of USA - wrote of. Can't really stand at all the inter-galactic-wisdom and they-are-above-thing-like-war guys. Not that I'd prefer the new agers and crystal-loonies. Or the wanna-be-vampiresslightly into occult for the serious, educated people making their way through the classical dubious treatises on natural philosophy and occult in order to attain their goals behind a smoke screen. It's probably the difference between the attitude of people rather working hard for a utopia no matter if dystopia seemed more probably outcome, in contrast to people
who BELIEVE in their favorite paperback utopias... I can understand if they - the sad, mislead and optimistic gits - feel the same way about me and my friends giving books with a bad name to people for x-mass presents. But still. Read more H.P.Lovecraft and praise hail the Ancient Ones instead of those supposedly benevolent and more developed visitors from beyond the stars. The ones that the fraudulent books speak of can't be as fraudulent as the ufo-books that don't speak of them.
Mr EagleOwl [9:55 AM]
[ 1.20.2003 ]
"Well why don't you do something about it"
dangers of the equations with word "something" and a tired, artistic mind for a factor
I'm having godawful day at work. "Well why won't you do something about it?" I'm growing more and more tired. In fact, I was less asleep in bed than I am now. Slowly sinking into surreal background noise inside my head. Was I awake, I'd be able to carry out whatever that "something" was and I was done with it. But doing something about it in this state of mind...
It was words of a collegue of mine, Mrs Z (the "well why don't you do something about it"), an answer to my weary muttering from behind a coffee-mug. It's not even about coming to work on mondays after having been here on saturday. I've grown just too tired on certain persons working for our management and today isn't a good day to do anything about it. Why? Because I'd probably have time of my life leaching my collegues the violent vagueness of the word "something". Hell, should I start calling Mrs Z "Mrs.Auswitzsch-wienersnitsche-messerschmidtt" in presence of patrons? I know it isn't the thing she meant by "something", as nobody would understand how calling her with names helped our working staff to battle the upstairs semi-transcendental management. I know, but that isn't the point, is it? Maybe I'd squirt mustard at eyes of clients coming at my desk and while temporarily blinded, pull their pants/skirts down and squirt more mustard! Yell them angry of "yellow admittance, yellow admittance on distant parole!" And you know, if I told my closest superior about my musings, she'd probably laugh her ass off and provide me the needed handguns to execute the mismatch management bossing around the fine office. That would be something! But that's how something is, it's not it's own fault. It's the people who use it.
Mr EagleOwl [2:52 AM]
This is just that kind of a day. The kind of a day men write holy books overnight. Had I done just that I probably wouldn't be a bit more tired I am.
Well, a bit.
Mr EagleOwl [2:43 AM]
