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2003-11-25T09:21:00.000-08:00

Active/inactive "What the bloody hell I did on my holidays" Let's see... I haven't written anything here for weeks now. To be honest, I've given serious thought to give up writing a blog altogether - I haven't written even my personal diary for a month! Then again, I believe I'd surface after a few weeks/months with a new blog with a fresh start and that'd make me feel more than a bit silly.

2003-11-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

hrmph home alone, alone We'll see when I start to write something not about S.S.S. That's how it is, being an amotional bird of prey. I haven't written my diary a single passage for weeks now. Maybe it too will change soon? Like my personal sentimental state. Or then again, it might not. hrmph. blah-blah-blah-whimper-whimper-blah... Latest new is I'm living alone - finally! Though it felt bad

2003-11-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

blah Too tired to go on about this or that. Last night stayed up late, did an inventory through our home with S.S.S., and all this went in air of agreement and cooperation. The stuff and the craft-related stash of herbs, incense and like stuff got split nicely and fair. Cried a bit, together. She had got already an apartment of her own and though this was good news in many ways it also drove one

2003-11-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Protection from p0rn is no laughing matter and being depressed isn't gay either At the moment, I'm lamentably depressed and though my being me is very integral with my sexual appetite, it - being lamentably depressed - shows. I'm totally put out of smoke and all the "yee-haa" at the moment. One might think in the current marital situation of mine it is the most natural thing for me, after

2003-11-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

Friends and kleenex thank you thank you thank you Wept yesterday. A lot. Had rehearsals, too, during which I didn't feel heartbroken all the time. Also, I've had a lot of friends on the phone, to which too I've cried quite a bit. I should have them all praised in public, a good thing, friends and paper hankies! "Regia, crede mihi, rest est succurrere lapsis."

2003-03-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

"Does he breath?" Well, yes, and it doesn't hurt too bad either. When the brochitis was at it's worst it did. And I sounded like Darth Vader. Now I sound like Leonard Cohen and I should be prepared to do some singing parts in studio - yeah right! Back at work though, and at my computer. Alive, kicking, blogging and updating. Blah blah. And boy am I happy for the finnish social security and

2003-02-24T09:47:00.000-08:00

Sex, sleep eat, drink,dream "the Rope, the Dope or the Pope" part II This has been one of those days when I sing to John Dowland, silently in my head. And nobody understands what is it with me. And I start to wonder myself what it is. Is it something I ate? ? Is it the debts and bankloans? The frustrating fact that trying to manage the things may cost my more than sitting dumb and letting it

2003-02-21T05:29:00.000-08:00

Giving her birthday presents WWJD? With Mary Magdalene? Besides having door well bolted and "do not disturb" on it S.S.S. has got birthday tomorrow. My Significant other I live with. And I haven't got any money left for any celebrating. Not for a flower. Yes we bought her a pretty nifty B.O.S. on beforehand when she was to write down some mroe of the unpublic material of the coven she is in.

2003-02-20T09:05:00.000-08:00

Dope, rope or the pope worst case scenarios in personal survival strategies Not enough spare time not to write but concentrate on my work, which isn't nice, no. Not since I'm way out of line already, way too maliciously mad to do any too sophisticated and sadistic paperwork on you people either, since it takes time and nerves of steel. Haven't got either today. Instead I'm quite likely to write.

2003-02-18T09:20:00.000-08:00

Dyalogus creaturar moralizant 2003 AD Been reading. Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett and The Owl and the Nightingale by anonymous, dating from twelfth century era vulgaris. But foremost I've been writing the last few days. When I write I can easily forget myself and the slow hours fly by.... I should try to bring this to my meditation and ritual workings in a way or another, since loosing four

2003-02-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

Just add water. Added links. Addiction to nicotine prooved by running head over heels...

2003-02-13T03:53:00.000-08:00

Loss of pleasure denying those little exquisite things from myself There's a lot lost and I don't like it a bit. And it feels that even the bit has gone missing, too! A little sparetime to write today, yes, in the end of the days... if I don't use it for other, "more productive activities". It's been like that for a while now, too much sparetime and godawful hurry wasting it all at work. Time

2003-01-31T10:20:00.000-08:00

Too much sparetime to write today. I tried yesterday, it sure was close. I was almost busy, but ended up in situation even worse and couldn't write another word. Such a week! Having a break soon. That's short for a nervous breakdown. But only after I've got sparetime for one. Meanwhile, you can entertain yourself with all the wonderful games I provided you links of.

2003-01-29T10:33:00.000-08:00

Too much sparetime to write today, really. Briefing at noon. No can does it if the canned heat is on. Cryptopsy, that's the knick and there goes the knickers. De-briefing at my place. Cut myself at rehearsals with liveaid, the band will be brought to Courtny's law and justice by the concert organisers and promoters. Shoot if you've got 'em. Bang-bang-bang'o-rama.

2003-01-18T00:30:00.000-08:00

"It was a new day yesterday but it's an old day now..." Sky is hanging low, looking greyer the asphalt. I almost feel my hair, nails and beard growing. At work. Sitting. Sitting and thinking what to do. With myself, time, and office hours. Could be worse, though, had I been out last night. But even if there was a monstrous hangover, at least I'd know I had good time yesterday. This is just one

2003-01-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

Mammal security Elephant on pedestal is a frightening sight. Men have died of the shock for seeing one, I imagine. No matter how steadfast the stonework is, the elephant still looks kind of heavy. But then, replace elephant with more stonework, like any medieval gargoyle you saw last summer or a statue of an elephant on a pedestal. Or a statue of your mother-in-law, what ever. It looks no longer

2003-01-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

Thou shalt write something intelligible.

2003-01-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

Damn how negative I am! I can't even come up with anything more negative to say... Fucking hell bloody fuck*** That's it! I'm of to surf lesbian porn!

2003-01-10T05:05:00.000-08:00

New year? What's wrong with the last one, you haven't used it to full, haven't you? No you haven't, I know! And don't try to tell me mister you live your life always to the full, because by that I know you're one fat fucking LIE! Nobody does. There's a lot of features in it -the last year - you aren't aware of even by now. Just like the installed porn on your computer your kids are trying hard

2003-01-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

boredom is drab. boredom is drab.

2002-12-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

consumptive manners and need to own end in sorry shit-dip.

2002-12-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

fucking great! I just noticed that many of the flaws in my previous writings I have corrected haven't been updated to the actual blog. Now this is going to piss me of badly in just a few minutes. WHO THE FUCK WANT'S TO BLOG WHEN... That's it! I'm of to surf lesbian porn.

2002-12-19T08:08:00.000-08:00

Now this probably comes as no surprise... What Psych-Ward do you belong to? http://www.zenhex.com/tests/psych/psych.html

2002-12-12T04:24:00.000-08:00

"Da Crap'o!" applause, laugh, whistle, slug-baiting and throwing hats ...I've once again slipped an unfinished passage to this wide publicity I "enjoy" (don't really give a flying fakk of, but I just hate it when I by mistake release to public something not finished yet). Worst in it is that no matter how I try, these thing happen every once too often. That's what "bravo, da crap'o" sands for

2002-11-26T00:54:00.000-08:00

Bath with Jesus Would You? http://www.jesus.com This is replacement to an unfinished post I published by accident; until I manage to write down the incidents and aftermaths in full, enjoy yourself bathing Jesus. That's what I would have you do to me if I was Jesus ;- )

2002-11-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

BVBVBVBVGRAMMATON nreljhgtb stghwtehgwtkhwö lkjlkjlkjlkjlkjlkjadgvruyufgr lkjlkjlkjlkueyioft4ro lkjdfar o8ryty öö aroyga ahrefbvbvbvbva fej hfglrgb bvbbvbvbbvbmnvmncjvhhfgmvbjnnmnmnnmnnbnbnbwpirt qwertyqwerty qwertyuio Just how many variables can you come up with doing permutation of eight variables. Say B V B V B V B V, for example. Let's not make it any easier, as I said the B can be read

2002-11-19T05:56:00.000-08:00

*What kind of animal are you?* As you probably guessed, the passage of yesterday was quite manysided nonsense, when one thinks of it philosophically. At the moment I'm trying to think straight the relationship of nominalism and species. No, really, I am, philosophy is such a gay science (has been since the jolly guys of Athens) I have to actually try hard. Under what category does my squarel

2002-11-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

It's too late for you, my friend, they already moved away from here, the pretty links...

2002-11-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

Squarel . (an insane rambling) Also an analogue of the chicken crossing the street and what some O.T.O. members said about it At the moment a squarel is being run over by a tram. ...I know, sounds awful. No, it hadn't have to die, I've got nothing against squarels per se... yes, but this is... I know it's not fair or right but then again I know there's people ...no... OH SHUT THE FUCK UP

2002-11-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

... Rehearsals cancelled for tomorrow. Both of them. Sunday maybe. Yesterday I sat before a computer conducting an electric composition of mine for a friend who better knows the equipment. It took over three hours. What there is to here is ...nine bass drum beats. One could ask why bother. Not a bad day anyhow. The sad thing is that it's so easy to start think the weekend's over and it sucked

2002-11-14T00:15:00.000-08:00

S.S.S.has really got me. I'm horny seven days a week. Drooling after more sex after having some. Life is so sweet, I lick it from her skin... make intolerable poses and crack an arrogant and self-sufficient line after another. Could crack the whip more, really. Wanting more - even if having some makes me feel like Emperor of a realm - is still enslaving. Bittersweet slavery to our lust I

2002-11-11T23:58:00.000-08:00

Quiz this So you enjoy a quiz at every breakfast, snack, lunch, coffee break... For "fun", yes, tons of fun - who'd take a stupid quiz so seriously anyway?! So let's surf the net for a quiz or two and the banners of how we did end up on our blogs, eh? Yes it adds a little color to it, I agree, but so does colorpencils to the tedious-looking novels. And only very few of us actually do that after

2002-11-08T01:18:00.000-08:00

'kfthlUlQltpbrvbvomnvmnvrveoeaoeaoeacscsI'm back in business... though I sure don't know for how long, not until noon... testing - I'd say - this uncertainty and waiting... thinking feverishly, suspecting bad news and the worstgrowing smaller and smaller beyond measure, is it time to go out looking for a strong brach and good rope, eh? For a swing of ONLY ONE rope? ... Just how can you know

2002-11-05T09:59:00.000-08:00

I'm cold. My hands are colder than the plastic keyboard. I'm freezing, and feel very ill though so many other things are once again just fine and nice for me (better than just "better", actually). Guess I won't be tomorrow either at work...

2002-11-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

First of November. Kekri, Samhain and All-hallows-eve past for this year then, next pagan feast I wait is the birthday of Mithra (the 23th of December). Damn how days roll by... at least I've got all the most distressfull things done... we'll the acute stuff anyway. So now I can concentrate on my petty morals? And melancholy, naturally, should I care to harbour any. I wonder if Santa Claus will

2002-10-30T09:51:00.000-08:00

Gnothi seauton Some hold knowing oneself as the goal of man and the hardest problem of them all. Others say you must first come to know yourself. The person here, behind these words really exists. I really do! But who might I - the narrator yours truly - be, if not only an alias? Surely not! B can be read as V or B, their numeral value in hebrew is the same. V can be read as V or O, and again,

2002-10-29T05:18:00.000-08:00

Everything won't EVER turn out just fine but turning out fine even a bit would help on the long run. ...it's possible I'll be able to sort this chaos out. The cover layout for promo-tape. The stalled studies. Taxational problems. Maintainance f the broken amps of both mine and those I had loaned from a friend of mine for studio sessions (and broke there - the friend of mine is going this

2002-10-28T09:19:00.000-08:00

How is it that things seem to get ever worse when they've started? At the moment... I don't have anything positive to say. So I won't say anything, no, not after these few phone calls adding to all the crap I've been so hard trying not to think about, in order to maintain my seemingly serene approach to this chaos and distress. I'm alive and back from vacation if it should interest anybody. I

2002-10-21T05:52:00.000-07:00

..sheet... it published 'em both... blog it, I don't mind. I'll be back to correct the punctuations and such crap in aweek or two. Meanwhile, save the animals - eat people!

2002-10-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

Blog you! The bastard bloggers who write updates daily and have care for visuals and technical superiority of the blogs of their's compared to others are lame fucks in desperate need of violent gang bang on their posh ass holes that is the sole factor their persons consist of. Blasted! You... blogging blogs! It's been a while since I wrote a line. Paragraph. Passage, what ever. I just haven't

2002-10-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

Sauna is good for one's health. I know people from different cultural background may have presuppositions on the heated room where you go naked with strange people but these persuppositions are usually nothing but funny to a Finn. Yes, sex is good for you like sauna, too, but this doesn't mean that they have anything else in common. Or that they have anything at all to do with each other. Sure

2002-10-09T05:26:00.000-07:00

Teleology and theology meeting scientific rivals over a cup of tea. Why does people walk on two legs? Is it a proof of man's superiority to crawling critters in our feet? Or is it actually shortage of legs and missing wings that drove us on two feet. Or then again it might be reasonable - unlike Creator - to trust it is just because of evolution suffering hang over having a suddenly creative

2002-10-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

"Any five year old could understand this - go get me one!" This probably isn't very original. Yesterday I saw some news of "possible terrorist acts" which got me wondering these same philosophcal problems that even child asks (I asked, as a kid - I almost got detention). Like why is it that soldiers/commandos/guerrilllas of "ours" are good and "good Christians" pray for their victory and

2002-10-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Is TIME your enemy or is it on your side? that's a question of intense philosophying over your life and times, achievements and the times you fell on your face once more trying too hard and stubborn to make the unaccomplished... Killing time? Well, it's rather time that seems to be killing me, the years I feel after heavy using of this relatively new body. And then again, failing in my objectives

2002-10-01T04:43:00.000-07:00

Yee-haaaaargh! Don't you just hate it when you have helpful friends/partner/collegue that shut you out? No, not in real social life, though that's eqally frustrating. I mean shut your connection down! You probably know the scenario where you write email or blog or surf your fave pRon sites (or what ever it is you do at work or at home when you probably had something more "important" to do) and

2002-09-27T05:32:00.000-07:00

Friday, one more hour and I'm off for weekend, wearing all blacks and a big smile. Not least because I've got all kinds of activities scheduled for the evening to keep my sorry ass busy. Monday I'll be back and write something new, and try to rescue the very first passage of this blog. Not that it would have been a long or valuable one, but I still feel that this blog should have started with

2002-09-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

"Never mind the Kingdom - A horse for a thought!" Today I thought about the classical question "what I thought today". The revelation of mine was that I haven't really think for some time now, lest worrying myself sick qualifies as "thinking". Or I just haven't even noticed any occasional thoughts and ideas I might have had, being so preoccupied being melancholy. SO let's change it to "What

2002-09-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

This one handles this Blog itself in general and on meta-level by large and on the other hand it doesn't. Okay, so: this time in english. "Why in Eglish" as I'm not a native speaker (writer) myself, why on earth really? Just to have wider publicity? I have written some ten years or so in Finnish, and I keep on doing so in my more private, hand-written diary. And to this date publicity of my